How To Find a Thai Girlfriend Or Wife And Become Happy

If you’ve been single for a while or are kind of done with Western women, then dating a Thai woman would be an excellent option. But a lot of Western guys are worried about being scammed or taken for an ATM.

As a Western guy myself, having been in a relationship with a Thai woman since 2010 and married since 2013, I want to take this opportunity to share some of my best tips on how to find a Thai girlfriend and become the happiest version of yourself.

The things to look out for, something I’ve done to limit my risk. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t consider myself a dating expert.

Before I met my wife Saengduan, I was single for quite some time and although we did have our challenges, I couldn’t be happier meeting her.

how to find a Thai wife - Chris Verhoeven and Saengduan

So if you want to become happy and find yourself a good Thai girlfriend, or Thai wife, let’s go over the biggest challenges, and misconceptions and prepare you to get the best chance to succeed.

How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for Dating a Thai Woman

When you’re dating a Thai woman, there will be a couple of things that you’re going to have to prepare yourself for:

Cultural differences

When you’re dating a Thai woman, you’re going back in time. Meaning that in Thailand, the dynamics between boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife are much more traditional than we’re used to nowadays in the West.

  • You are expected to provide financial stability.
    Don’t take this the wrong way, you don’t have to be rich or make 6 figures in order for Thai women to want you.
    But as the guy, you’re expected to pay the rent, bills, and a more day-to-day way of living.
  • Your Thai girlfriend will take care of you.
    You’re Thai girlfriend or wife will take care of you when you’re feeling sick, give you a massage when you’re tired. Most Thai women love to cook food, take care of the family, and much more.

    I know that a lot of Western women will tell you that you only want a slave when you’re going overseas to search for love, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Thai women aren’t submissive, but they do love to take care of their man, from every angle.
  • Family always comes first.
    If you marry a Thai woman, you marry their family, whether you like it or not.

    I live in the Netherlands and over here in the West, people will have to take care of themselves, whereas in Thailand, the kids are expected to take care of their parents.

    This means that your girlfriend or wife wants to support her parents financially and yes, in some cases they will ask or expect you to support that.
  • You’re expected to pay Sin Sod, or a dowry when you’re getting married.
    In Thailand, the guy is supposed to pay a dowry when you’re marrying a Thai woman.
    This is called Sin Sod and is an amount that you pay to the parents to basically take care of the wedding and in some cases as a gift to the parents for taking away their daughter, and thus, their income stream.

    The amount of Sin Sod you have to pay is entirely between you and your girlfriend’s parents. And Thai guys have to pay for this as well. So this isn’t just for foreign men.
how to find a traditional Thai girlfriend

You’re going to be judged.

One of the hardest things to deal with when having a Thai girlfriend is the opinion of others.

The opinion of your friends and family.

People will think you’re insane for going all the way to Thailand to find the love of your life and sometimes even think you’re a loser.

So you do need a thick skin if you want this to work.

But guess what… none of that matters. You are responsible for your own happiness.

If you have kids, they will leave the house at a certain age and go their own way, start their families, and leave you by yourself. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

But that means that you have to take matters into your own hands and create your own happiness.

Let’s be honest, none of us want to die old and alone.

Personally, when I got into my relationship with Saengduan, I heard most of the preconceptions already.

  • She probably is only after your money
  • How do you know she won’t cheat on you?
  • Long-distance relationships don’t work
  • She wants a foreign boyfriend to have a better life in the Netherlands.
  • And so on…
Never marry a Thai woman

But guess what, I made it very clear to her from the beginning that I’m not a rich foreigner and showed her what the prices were over in the Netherlands for the same products as in Thailand.

I decided to give my wife trust upfront!

No, there are no guarantees in life that your significant other won’t cheat. But I also am not going to live in fear of what might happen.

Long-distance relationships can work, as long as you put in the time and energy to make them work. Yes, it’s very challenging, but if you both want it bad enough, there’s nothing that will stop you.

We’ve been together since November 2010 and now that it’s August of 2023, we’re still living separately, but we both know we will make it work.

From the very beginning, we talked about where we would like to live and Saengduan told me that she preferred to live in Thailand. That made it easy for us since I prefer Thailand over the Netherlands as well.

I know no country is perfect and Thailand, as well as the Netherlands, have their pros and cons, but overall, I know Thailand offers a much better quality of life for the amount it costs.

The Biggest Differences Between Thai Women and Western Women

If you’ve been married for a long time or been in a long relationship and go from that to dating a Thai woman, you’ll notice that it’s a world of difference.

Here in the Western part of the world, the gender roles between men and women are increasingly overlapping.

Things like feminism play a much larger role where women focus on higher-earning jobs, and make more money and the focus is a lot less on the family.

And just to be clear, I don’t have anything against Western women. We all should do whatever makes us happy.

But I do notice that a lot of Western women want the best of both worlds. They want guys to pay for dates, give them gifts, pay the bills and whenever they earn their money, they want to decide on how to spend that as well.

On the other hand, you have Asian women, who are much more focused on taking care of the family, supporting their husbands, and acting much more feminine in the way they dress and act.

So as a guy, it’s up to you to decide on what you prefer and go after that.

Do you prefer an independent wife who doesn’t really need you, wants to do her own thing and if you are lucky enough, you are allowed to be with her? Or do you prefer a Thai woman who will be by your side, and take care of you when it comes to your health, heart, and much more?

And especially the younger generation of Western women these days think it’s very normal to have a guy that earns a 6- or 7-figure income and has lost the complete sense of reality.

And again, you can’t really blame them, it’s also a huge part of society and social media amplifies that.

Before I met my wife, I was quite materialistic myself and one of the things she taught me was to appreciate the little things in life, and not take life too seriously and I really am grateful for that.

Good Thai Girls Vs. Bad Thai Girls

Over the years I’ve heard a lot of talk from guys about good Thai girls and bad Thai girls and if you ask me, there’s no such thing.

When it comes to dating, there are women who are genuinely looking for a good guy to start a relationship with and then there are the business women, who are looking for financial gain.

With businesswomen, I’m referring to usually bar girls, freelancers, etc.

Good Thai girls vs bad Thai girls

The worst idea is to go on a holiday in Thailand, go to a bar or erotic massage parlor, and fall in love with one of those girls.

Yes, they can fall in love, but you’re taking a huge risk by going this route since you end up as one of the many guys they play this game with.

Most Thai women working in the bars are there to make money and if they can make you fall in love with them and have you sent over a monthly amount of money, it’s a bonus.

And yes, there are instances where a guy falls in love with a bar girl, takes them out of the bar life, and lives happily ever after.

But there’s a saying: “You can take a girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.”

Just keep that in mind.

Personally, I don’t find these girls to be bad women, they just have a different agenda.

And let’s not fool ourselves, there are also plenty of guys who come to Thailand and think they can play manipulative games with the ladies over there.

Why even go through all of the trouble and not just focus on what really makes you happy, right?

What Are The Best Places To Find a Thai Girlfriend Or Wife

If you’re thinking about finding a Thai girl to have a relationship with, there are different ways to go about it.

And there’s no magic here. It pretty much works the same as in the West.

The difference is that most Thai women look way more for a guy who has a good heart and is financially stable and not so much focused on six-packs or expensive watches.

Some women even prefer an older guy because of these things.

Older men have more life experiences, oftentimes already have been married before and divorced, and are more likely to look for a good woman to be by their side and therefore less likely to cheat.

When you’re looking for a Thai girlfriend or wife, you don’t want to look for them in the bars, clubs, or soapy massage venues, but instead, explore places like shopping malls, 7-Elevens, local markets, or even your local cinema and Pharmacy.

finding a good Thai wife

And then there are of course online dating sites. And yes, they do work really well, but takes a bit of work to get optimal results.

Meet Thai Girls in Thailand

If you’re planning your trip to Thailand and want to meet Thai women locally, my best advice I can give you is to just go do your thing.

Figure out what you enjoy doing and go do them and keep your eyes open to the women who are there.

For example, I love going to the cinema. Who doesn’t, right? I don’t mind going alone, but what I would then do is keep my eyes open to other women who also go by themselves.

This doesn’t always mean they’re single or even looking for a foreign boyfriend, but it is a potential candidate that you could start a conversation with.

If you’re into scuba diving or surfing, you could visit stores where they rent equipment or give courses and if you can find local Thai women in there, since the shops are more specific, chances are they know a thing or 2 about your favorite hobby and that is a potential start for a conversation.

You can even find women in your local 7-Eleven or shopping mall. Thai women love to hang out in shopping malls. Not just for buying stuff, but even just to hang out.

how to find a thai girlfriend at the shopping mall

Or how about getting a traditional Thai massage? In most of the regular massage parlors, there are plenty of Thai women who are willing to get to know more about you. But keep in mind that most Thai women are naturally a bit shy.

A very underestimated location is hotels or tour shops. Many hotels have local Thai women employed and what is good about this industry is that in a lot of the places, those girls do speak some English to begin with.

So that will bring the barrier of communication down a lot.

If you haven’t noticed this already, I did not mention nightlife areas like bars, clubs, etc.

The reason for that is that I want you to take away the maximum amount of risk to get played.

Don’t get me wrong, There are plenty of Thai women who like to go out and have a couple of drinks or go dancing and you could definitely find your soulmate there as well.

But there are also a lot of women who spot those places for foreign guys to make some money.

And if you’re just looking to have a good time with some of the local girls and don’t, go ahead and go with it. Just because these girls want to make some money, doesn’t mean you can’t have a great time with them.

I just want you to be aware of how some of those things work.

Meet Thai Girls Online

If you would like to see what is out there when it comes to Thai women before you even set foot on Thai soil, a great way to find Thai women is through online dating sites.

In Thailand, most people have excellent access to the internet and they use social media and online dating sites to find the love of their lives.

And I’m not talking about just hookups, I mean genuine relationships that can result in marriage.

Before I came to Thailand in 2010, I met a girl from Thailand through a chatsite called, ICQ. And this wasn’t to find a relationship, because that wasn’t really a thing back then.

I wanted to meet people worldwide and the Thai girl I met back then was 1 of the people I got to chat with, and resulted in me going to visit Thailand 5 years later.

But I will write a separate article about how my wife and I met soon.

There are Thai dating sites like ThaiCupid and Thaifriendly that have profiles of serious women looking for you.

how to find thai girlfriend online

And yes, there are also women on there with bad intentions on these platforms as are guys.

But if you create the right profile, with the right information, you can weed out most of them pretty quickly and focus on those girls that you think have the potential to spend the rest of your life with.

The biggest piece of advice I can give you on this is to be genuine and DON’T lead with money.

Especially with all of the filters we can use and things like Photoshop, a lot of people try to look better than they are and lead with wealth and status that are fake, and that results oftentimes in attracting the wrong type of people.

So if you’re going to use online dating sites to meet the love of your life, make sure to be authentic, let them know exactly what you’re looking for, and start having some good conversations to get to know each other.

This way, when you’re going to visit Thailand, all you have to do is meet up in person.

Just a heads-up, most of these free Thai dating sites are free to use in the beginning. But will cost you some money when you’re going to take them more seriously and actually start talking with the women.

What I do like is that those women often also have to pay for their membership, which will weed out most of the fake profiles.

How Do You Know If a Thai Girl Likes You?

Let’s say you’ve found a Thai girl that you like and are interested in getting to know better, How do you know if this Thai girl even likes you?

In general, Thai women are shy and want guys to approach them. And you might be confused here, because how do Western guys get so much attention from Thai girls if they don’t like to approach men?

Again, we are talking about regular Thai women here, not the bar girls.

If a Thai girl gets all over you and seems like she wants to eat you alive, then you might want to consider her again.

Yes, you can have a fun time together, but you will be just 1 of the guys on her list and as soon as you go home, she will do the same to the next guy.

And yes, there are exceptions of course, but if you want to have the best chance to succeed, go find yourself a girl that is more traditional.

Here are a couple of signals that a Thai girl might be genuinely into you:

  1. She gets annoyed when you pay attention to / talk to another woman.

    Thai women can get quite jealous when it comes to other women. As a Western guy, you will get attention from a lot of women and you’re going to like that experience.

    But keep in mind, that we all have feelings. As does your potential girlfriend and when she thinks you actually like her but then go spend time with other women, it will mess with her feelings.

    And let’s be honest. This is true for all of us, right? If you’re attracted to a girl, but then she spends her energy on other guys, you’re not going to like that either.

    So don’t try to play games with each other’s feelings and stay true to yourself.
  2. She introduces you to her closest friends.

    When you first start dating a Thai girl, you will find out that she will oftentimes bring a friend or family member to the date.

    This might feel weird initially, but this also comes back to her being shy and she doesn’t want to be in an awkward situation with a complete stranger.

    And this friend or family member is also here for a second opinion of you.

    My wife was actually that friend of the girl I initially met from Thailand online. Yes, things can turn out quite unexpectedly.

    But again, that’s quite a long story, so I will write a separate article on how my wife and I met soon, and link it here if you’re interested in that.
  3. Sharing her long-term life goals with you.

    Thai people usually live day-by-day and don’t always think about the future or where they want to be in 5 or 10 years.

    If a Thai girl shares her life goals with you, she does this to see where you can fit in and that is a good sign that she at least wants to know whether or not you’re compatible.
  4. If a Thai girl is coming closer to you physically.

    In Thai culture, showing public affection is a no-go. And I’m talking about kissing in public, jumping all over you when you two meet, etc.

    To give you a comparison, Thai bar girls will touch you all over your body right then and there, even in your crotch and that is not how Thai people act in general. So if that happens, you know you might want to keep your distance.

    Or at least, when it comes to your heart.

    But small gestures like touching your hand, or holding hands in public, putting her head on your should when inside a taxi or public transport, those are signs that she is very comfortable with you and that in itself is a very good sign.
  5. When meeting her family.

    In Thai culture, family is one of the most important things in life.
    I want you to be prepared for this because you will always come in second place, no matter how much she loves you.

    When she suggests you meet her parents or even her kids if she has one, that is one of the best signs you can have, because she will never introduce you to them if she’s not serious about you.

    This all comes down to losing face, which is a big deal in Thailand. If she would bring someone to meet her family as her boyfriend. She doesn’t want to look like an idiot if it’s over 1 week later.

How to Impress a Thai Girl And Win Her Heart

To me personally, the best part about Thai women is that your bank account doesn’t matter as much as anywhere else in the world.

And I know I probably will get some comments on saying this, but it’s true.

Thai women care way more about how you act in life and how you treat people and her, than anything else.

This all comes from the Buddhist way of living that they are taught and it matters that you are a good person.

And yes, you are expected to take care of the bills and her job is to take care of you and the family like it is more traditional, you don’t have to make 6-figures a year for her to care about you.

So just be a good person and treat her well.

The biggest mistake I see people make is thinking it’s all about the money.

Oftentimes when you hear about failed relationships, is when a guy leads with money to begin with. Buys expensive gifts, luxury holidays, etc.

Even on dating sites, guys will post pictures of them wearing expensive watches, and suits, driving fancy cars and when you lead with money, you’re going to attract specific women who care a lot about that.

You can’t blame women for being golddiggers when you’re the one who led with the gold in the first place.

Thai women love their food. Korean Barbeques are very popular. So instead of taking her to a 5-star restaurant, take them to a Korean Barbeque place and she will be happy as a kid.

how to impress a Thai girl

And maybe I just got lucky for meeting the right woman, but oftentimes when I hear or see other people’s stories about their relationship, it usually went wrong for falling for the bargirls or overspending on gifts just to make a good impression.

Also, honesty is very important. Don’t try to pretend better than you are. Thai women will love you for who you are.

the difference between Thai women and Western women can not be bigger, so when you’re trying to find a Thai girlfriend, try to forget everything you know about women, and open yourself up to relearn things.

And yes, opening up a door for your girl, buying your girl flowers, and most importantly… Be faithful, will get you very far.

In conclusion:

As foreign guys, the dating market in Thailand is nothing like we know it from the West and I know that the things I shared in this article will get you way ahead.

You are worthy of becoming happy, no matter how many divorces you went through or how women in your country treated you.

But the only person who can make this happen is you. So go for it and have some fun in the process.

Life is already short as it is.

If you have anything to add or want to share your experience, please… do comment below this article so that we both can help more guys out there. And even better, feel free to share this with someone who needs to read this.

If you’d like to contact me more privately, you can send me a Whatsapp message, message through Line Messenger from the button on the bottom right corner, or shoot me an email.

Have a great day,


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